Home · Chants · Dharma Talks · New · What · When · Where
“A successful Marriage is when the ‘you’ and
the ‘I’ become the ‘us’, not two but one; an equal partnership, a single
entity. A Marriage is a shared responsibility. A good marriage is plain old hard
work. You each have strengths and weaknesses. Play to your strengths. The Buddha
taught that a husband has certain duties to his wife and the wife to her
husband. Among them are respect, courtesy and fidelity. Compassion and
consideration for each other will go a long way in smoothing out the rough edges
of life. To keep your love growing to its full glory, reject the poison of anger
and grudges. Sometimes you may
disagree, but fight fair - avoid using the words ‘always’ and ‘never’
and just be as polite to each other, as you would be to a stranger.
Treat your in-laws as you would want your own parents
treated. May I suggest that every year you thank your mother-in-law on your
spouse’s birthday with a gift or a call. Without her, you wouldn’t be
standing here. And family and friends, don’t take sides. Name
and name of
groom are adults and are taking on adult responsibilities.
They will workout the rough spots if they are allowed to do it themselves.
It is important, too, to be careful with the money
you earn. There is nothing that can poison a marriage faster. Some saved, some
given away; being neither tightfisted nor a spendthrift and making major
financial decisions together will go a long way in keeping your marriage on an
With love and trust comes respect. You are uniting in love and trust. Trust each other because, after all, your spouse had enough sense to choose you, and to love you. Be trust worthy in keeping your private life private, this way you know that you can confide your greatest fears and dreams, triumphs and failures. Communicate your love both verbally and physically.
Depending on mind reading is unreliable and leads to
a break down of communication and in the end, the fabric of the marriage itself.
So say when something really bothers you or you really like or dislike
something. My great aunt Edith was stuck in Hawaii during World War II. Meat was
scarce so her friend made a rather horrid soybean casserole and my aunt gagged
down two big helpings, not wanting to hurt her friend’s feelings. Years later,
they met and my aunt was invited to dinner. Her hostess proudly carried in a
soybean casserole, saying, “I remember how much you enjoyed it last time.” I
don’t believe she ever told another fib. Be honest with one another but
refrain from using truth as a cruel weapon.
Feed your love with warmth and affection, with sharing and with unbirthday gifts.”
(Given at wedding performed April 19, 2003 at Samuel P. Taylor State Park in Marin County California by Sư Cô Thích Nữ Chơn Đức)